


Hey, Miss Sobriety.

by Random13245



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, F/M, Fem!Cas, Genderbending, Homophobia, My First Destiel Fanfic, fem!dean, fem!destiel, first fic, genderbent!au, not really my first fic but my first destiel fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random13245/pseuds/Random13245
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fem!Destiel fic loosely based off the song Hey, Miss Sobriety by Cute is What We Aim For.</p><p>Castielle Milton and Deanna Winchester had been best friends since they were young. But, as they get to teenage years they realize they're nothing alike anymore. Castielle is a cookie-cutter good-girl. She's popular, charming, and a straight A student. Not to mention, stunning, with smooth skin and perfect draping black curls for hair. Teachers and students alike look up to her a role model. Deanna is the polar opposite. She hates school, and always finds more reasons to hate it. Like Castielle- or rather Castielle's "friends." She has a very standoffish appearance- piercings trailing up her ear, snake bites, and ear-length hair that has a natural innocent honey colour, but dyed to a dark bluish black.</p><p>Castielle didn't care how Deanna looked or acted, but her friends & family did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do You Remember When We Were Friends?

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first Destiel fic, and first fic to go on Ao3. If there are any typos or missing words please please tell me so I can fix it! I don't have anyone to beta the story for me, so errors will happen. If you have any questions about who's who, ask & I shall answer! Easiest way to contact me is my tumblr: random13245.tumblr.com

_Do you remember me? Or how to say my name?_

_\------_

_Deanna let out a shrill laugh as she tried to catch up to her best friend, Castielle, who happened to much faster than her._

_"Cas! Seriously, girl, slow down!"_

_Castielle's response was to turn around and stick out her tongue. Deanna did her best to pick up the pace. When she finally, finally got within arms reach, she stretched her arm out and-_

_"_ Tag! _You're it!" Deanna cried out, turning immediately in the other direction. The only thing harder than catching up to Castielle, was running away from Castielle._

_It wasn't long before Castielle tagged Deanna and Deanna was forced to call quits and let Castielle gloat._

_They were eight._

_\------_

_BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP._

Deanna hated her alarm clock with a burning passion. She reached over to her bedside table and slammed her hand on the snooze button. Five minutes was not nearly long enough before the shrill cry of the alarm sounded once more. She sighed as the bits and pieces of last night's dream slipped back into place. If there was anything Deanna hated more than her alarm clock, it was Castielle.

"Deeeaannnnnnaaa! Get yo lazy ass outta bed!" Deanna's annoying younger sibling, Samantha, yelled out from the kitchen. Deanna rolled out of her bed, causing a loud and obnoxious, but familiar creek. And all Deanna could think was, _I'll be eighteen in 5 months, I can move out and leave this shithole in the dust._ And then, as an after thought, _and take Sammie._

Deanna hated where she was living. It was a small, 2 bedroom, apartment. Falling apart- there was no proper air conditioning, and hot water took 10-15 minutes to obtain by boiling it on the stove- but it was cheap. And all their dad could pay for. Mostly because he spent over half of his earnings- which wasn't much to begin with- on alcohol.

But Deanna tried not to dwell on that.

"Well, you look like shit." Sammie jibed playfully. It was true, Deanna did indeed look like shit. Her hair was sticking up in short, annoying ways, she was almost certain her eyes were bloodshot.

"Thanks, Samsquatch." Deanna deadpanned as she grabbed the toast Sam had already made for her.

"I told you to not call me that!"

"You also told me that the moon was, most definitely, with no uncertainty, made of mozzarella cheese."

"I was _six!_ " Sam defended, but Deanna was already leaving the kitchen, half eaten toast in hand.

She shut the door to her and Sam's shared room, and quickly picked out her clothing. Which was a process made up of asking herself _is this the right black?_ Finding sufficiently dark clothing, she slipped into the bathroom.

Most people would assume Deanna wouldn't be the type to care a lot about her hair and make up, but she did. Of course, her hair was too short to be able to do anything fancy with, but she still styled it. Her make up had to be perfectly dark, and once it was, she picked up the pile of earrings on the bathroom shelf and started slipping each one in. Thirteen ear piercings total. The ones on her face (snake bites, her left nostril, and her tongue) she didn't take out at night so she didn't have to put them in.

Finally pleased with her appearance, she gathered up her school stuff, which wasn't more than an empty messenger bag to give the illusion that she cared and carried her books home. She laced up her black converse, which had seen better days, and shouted "Bye!" to Sam.

Deanna twirled her keys around her finger and hopped into her dad's car. A sleek, '67 Chevy Impala. The only fun thing about going to school: she got permission to drive this baby.

In the rearview mirrors, Deanna caught sight of her. Castielle. She seemed to be floundering, carry so many books and papers. Deanna had never seen her so... not composed. She was walking to school. Wait- that's not right... Castielle Milton does _not_ walk to school. Her boyfriend, Matt, always took her. Not that Deanna had noticed, or anything.

Deanna had the overwhelming urge to stop, and ask if she needed a ride. But Deanna quickly swallowed that thought and instead chewed on the memories of everything Castielle had said to her the last time they talked.

_"You're low." She sneered, "You have no place in my life, and should've never had one!"_

Deanna swallowed those thoughts, too, to keep her from crushing the steering wheel with her death grip.

\------

"You're... you're breaking up with me?" Castielle didn't want to sound so upset, but how could she not? Her boyfriend of two years, Matt Masters, was breaking up with her. _Over the phone!_

"Yeah. Sorry, Cassie, I'm just done with you." Matt's voice came through with a tinge if static.

 _"I'm done with you."_ The memory of herself using those words floated to the surface of her mind.

"Fine!" Castielle said, ten times more upset now that those words had reopened her mental wounds. She hung up without another word, not another syllable, out of Matt.

She sighed and looked down at the skirt of her light blue dress.

"Guess I'm walking..." She said to her shoes. All of her siblings (Andrew, Gabrielle, and Michelle) had already left. She had to rush now, since she couldn't risk being late. Gathering up her things and rushing out wasn't something she was used to, and she ended up dropping things in her driveway and dropping other things when she leaned down to pick up the previously dropped papers.

When Castielle finally got herself sorted, she couldn't help but see Deanna's Impala pulling out. For a fleeting second, she wanted Deanna to offer a ride. But she thought better of it, and started walking.

\------

Upon arriving at school, Deanna waltzed up to her friends, Joe and Charlie.

"Sup, boys?" She greeted them.

"Pop quiz in Crowley's." Joe said, clear irritation in his voice.

"Damn."

"I don't suppose you, maybe... studied?" Charlie said with little hope.

"Hahaha, funny." Deanna said. Charlie had never, not once in the two years she'd known Deanna, even seen her a textbook. Joe was a family friend, so he'd seen every side of Deanna.

"Not like it matters, I'm already failing that class." Deanna shrugged, "What's one more F?"

"Your ass on a plate." Joe joked.

"You wish." Although it was true. Mrs. Crowley was at her boiling point with Deanna, and one more F would, indeed, be her ass on a plate.

"Any news on that supposed chem project?" Charlie asked.

"Confirmed. We're getting paired today." Joe winced. The bell rang, but the three continued to hang out until a teacher came out and ushered them to class.

Deanna's classes include: Boring. Boring with a side of mean teacher. Boring with a sprinkle of people Deanna hates. Boring with a cherry on top. And, oh yeah, boring. Then lunch.

Then there's chemistry. Which is boring, too, but they were getting paired up today with partners. Deanna was spaced out until she heard her name.

"Deanna Winchester... you're with Castielle Milton." Deanna threw a slew of curses to whatever God was out there, and the teacher. It had to be Castielle. Had to be. Fate just had it out for her.

\------

Castielle managed to arrive on schedule. She gathered her necessary books and walked over to her friend, Blythe's, locker. Blythe's full name was Balthazar, which she hated with a venomous passion and made sure no one ever used it. Lucy was there already, too.

"Hey, Blythe, Lucy." Castielle spoke in a manner that felt way to formal for people who were supposed to be her best friends.

"Good morning, Castielle." Blythe said, grabbing a book from her locker and turning around.

"Yeah, not so much..."

"What's the matter, Castielle? You love mornings!" Lucy questioned. Castielle quietly hated how they always used her full name. Deanna had almost always called her Cas. She mentally slapped herself. _No. Matt always called you Cassie._

"Yeah, mornings when your long-term boyfriend doesn't break up with you."

" _What?!_ " Both girls gasped. As if it was the most scandalous thing they'd heard all year. Maybe it was. Castielle just nodded. She wanted her friends to wrap her up in a comforting hug, but knew they wouldn't.

They had to get to class, and so they did.

Each class passed by, lunch, and then chemistry.

Castielle listened to the sound of the teacher reading off names. And then-

"Deanna Winchester... you're with Castielle Milton."

No.

_No_


	2. Projects

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, to clarify, any parents/adults are still their original gender. I know this doesn't make sense, but that's the way I accidentally wrote it so I'm sticking to it.

_Yeah all the back then?_

\------

 _Castielle laughed as Deanna flicked her Monopoly game piece at her. Castielle had won..._ again.

_"You're cheating!" Deanna accused, pitching a plastic hotel piece at Castielle. Castielle just continued to laugh. This was the best part of playing games with Deanna: she was a sore loser._

_"How could I cheat at Monopoly?" Castielle asked innocently. She tossed a plastic house back at Deanna._

_"You tell me!" Deanna started to laugh, too. She couldn't help it, Castielle had a contagious laugh._

_They ended up in a heap of laughs and thrown Monopoly pieces. It was one of Castielle's favourite moments._

\------

So they're doing a chem project together. No biggie. No problem. It's not Like Deanna planned on doing any work anyway. Castielle can and undoubtedly will do it all. There would be no need to invite each other over to work on it. None.

But, of course, Castielle walled right up to Deanna and- without looking her in the eye- asked, "When are you free to work on this together?"

"Lemme see... oh, yeah, never." Deanna snapped, she wanted Castielle to understand she wasn't doing any of this project.

"Deanna-"

"Don't. Look just... tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it on my own time." Meaning never.

"No, you won't." Castielle snapped, "I know you and you won't"

"How could you possibly know someone you haven't talked to since middle school?" Deanna said in a sickly sweet voice. Castielle looked away.

"I at least know you won't do any work. So just find a time where we can work together after school. I don't plan on doing everything and I certainly don't plan on taking the F."

"Jeez, Castielle. Still the same goody-two-shoes." Deanna blew air up on her bangs for effect, "An F isn't the end of the world. But fine, how about today after school?" Castielle wouldn't admit it, but she hated that Deanna, too, used her full name.

"That works." Castielle plopped down in the seat next to Deanna and took out a green sketchbook. Deanna fondly remembered the way Castielle used to draw when they were watching movies or tv. She had to fight down the longing to do that again. Just to hang out with Castielle. She forced herself to stop thinking about it.

Class went by awkwardly. Everyone around them was animatedly talking to their partners. Whether or not it was truly related to the project, it was hard to tell.

\------

Castielle had to walk home. She gathered up her books and papers and everything she needed for homework. She had barely walked out of the school when Deanna came up to her.

"Hey, Cas-Castielle. Since we're going to work on that chem project, do want me to give you a ride?" Deanna asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"Sure..." Castielle mimicked Deanna's calm.

The ride home was awkward to say the least, and when Deanna pulled into the driveway, Castielle couldn't help but notice the extra car in the driveway or the almost scared look in Deanna's eyes.

"Uh, on second thought, today isn't a good day for you to come over..." Deanna tried to brush off her slight fear.

"Nonsense." Castielle opened the car door and got out. Deanna tried to reach for her to tell her not to go into her house, but she was two seconds too late.

She didn't want to explain why it was suddenly bad for Castielle to come over, but at the same time Castielle wouldn't leave just because Deanna suddenly chickened out.

"My dad's home." Deanna said before she could think about it. Castielle seemed to freeze.

"Oh," Castielle looked over at her own house, "would it be better to go to my house?"

"Your siblings hate me." Deanna crossed her arms.

"Reasonably so," Castielle shrugged, "but it's better than..." Castielle made a vague gesture towards Deanna's house.

"What do you mean 'reasonably so'?" Deanna hadn't been in the mood to pick fights, but Castielle had sort of provoked her.

"Nothing." Castielle sighed. "nothing," was what she'd said. But in her head, Castielle could hear her sister's voice.

 _"Father would be disgraced, Castielle. Deanna Winchester has been a terrible influence on you! Look at what she's got you thinking! She's put the thought in your mind that you like girls?! Castielle, don't you see how wrong this is? Have you looked at her? All those- those_ piercings! _I don't know how she got a place in your life, but she should have never had one!"_

Michelle didn't understand that Deanna's influence didn't make her like girls, Deanna just happened to be the girl she liked. Liked. Past-tense, of course.

Deanna made a frustrated noise.

"Gimme a minute to go see what's going on inside and then we can decide whose house we work at."

Deanna disappeared into her house. Even from outside, Castielle could hear the yelling that ensued.

Deanna came back outside- with Samantha in tow. "So, uh, your house? Can Sammie come, too? My dad- uh..." Deanna trailed off, shrugging like it wasn't a big deal.

"Yes."

\------

Castielle's house looked exactly the same. The living room carpet hadn't changed and the dent in the wall from when Deanna had- much to Castielle's protest- jumped off the couch and kicked the wall was still there. Deanna almost laughed when saw it.

Castielle quickly bypassed the room her siblings were in and opened the door to her room. She gestured for Sam and Deanna to enter. They did.

Now, Castielle's room, it was completely different. It was... pink. Very, very pink. The walls, which used to be a light sea-foam green- Castielle's favourite colour, as Deanna remembered- were a light, almost white pink. The curtains were a magenta colour and the bedspread was stripes of different shades of pinks and reds. Deanna had the sense not to ask, but Sammie, four years younger, did not.

"What happened to your room, Cas?" Sammie kept looking around.

"My... I wanted to redo it. So uh we did." Castielle was lying right through her teeth.

Castielle hated lying, but explaining why her sister insisted upon making Castielle's room pink would make her have to explain why she cut Deanna off. Neither of which sounded like a good idea.

Sammie seemed to be able to tell she was lying, and so could Deanna. It was clear in their matching green eyes _you're lying, but we're not gonna push._

Castielle set down her books and pulled out the paper explaining the project.

"So..." She began reading off the instructions as they all found a place to sit down on the floor with the necessary items- poster board, coloured paper, a chemistry book, and assorted art supplies- in the middle of them.

Samantha wasn't really a help. Castielle couldn't blame her, she was fifteen and didn't know the first thing about chemistry. But Castielle could tell Deanna was happy Sammie was here and not- well.

Deanna made a comment somewhere along the lines of _goddammit how do you expect me to do any of this you're the smart artistic one._ But Castielle shrugged it off. Even if it was kind of a complement, she could never bring herself accept complements. Michelle had made it 100% clear the Castielle could never be smart enough, pretty enough, or just generally enough. And she made it clear that art was pointless and demanded Castielle quit drawing the same time she'd demanded-

"Yo, Cas. Where you at?" Deanna was waving a hand in front of her.

"Sorry, uh, spaced out."

"Right..." but Deanna let it slide.

They spent the next few hours talking chemistry, with a few interjections from Sam like, _"What the hell is this stuff?"_ and _"Are you done yet?"_

It was boring to Deanna, but it had been forever since she'd talk to Castielle and watching her animatedly talk elements and chemicals was pretty fun. She certainly didn't want to leave yet. Especially with her dad home. But, she had to.

Castielle agreed to take care of all their work they'd already done.

Deanna took Sammie and left as quietly possible. She wasn't sure if Castielle's family knew she was over or not.

Unfortunately, what she came home to was anything but quiet.


	3. Father's Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record- I'm not 100% sure of the info given on piercings so please excuse any discrepancies.

_One man's trash is another man's treasure._  
\------  
"Where've ya beeen?" John Winchester, drunk as ever, snapped as Deanna and Samantha walked into their house.

"At a friend's, Dad!" Deanna snapped back. Then, she turned to Samantha and whispered, "Go to our room, lock the door. Stay in there until I come get you, okay?" Sammie nodded and started towards their room.

"'Nd whhheere thefffuck do ya think yoouu're goin'?" John slurred. Samantha froze.

"Leave her be! Fuck's sake, she's _fifteen!_ Or did you forget again?!" Deanna yelled, and while she had her dad's attention, she motioned for Samantha to keep going. Hesitantly, Sammie kept walking.

"Who doya think ya arrre? How darrre ya talk ta me like thhhat!"

"Leave!" Deanna had never sounded so forceful. She reveled in the sound of her bedroom door shutting and locking.

"No! You need to learnn ta respect yourrr dad!"

"I'll respect you when you deserve it!"

_Slap_

Deanna gaped at her dad, holding her left cheek. He'd never gotten violent before.

" _Leave._ " Deanna growled now. Thank whatever God is up there, John left. Maybe it was the drunken realization that he'd hit his daughter, maybe Deanna had come off threateningly enough. Deanna waited for the sound of the old engine of whatever car her dad was driving turning over. She then went into her room to find Sammie curled up in a fetal position crying.

She wrapped her arms around Sam and mumbled "shhhhh"s and "you're okay"s until she calmed down.

She couldn't find it in herself to hate her dad. She wanted to, cause that would be easy. But she felt a mix of anger and sympathy. Ever since their mom, Mary, died, John hasn't been the same. It doesn't excuse the way he raised his kids, but it was enough of a wedge between Deanna and hating him.  
\------  
"Who was that that just left?" Michelle's voice implied she knew who it was.

"Deanna and her sister, Samantha." Castielle tried to keep a calm, monotone voice. _Don't let Michelle see how much you enjoyed having Deanna over, even if just for a chemistry project,_ she told herself.

"And why we're they here?" The anger in her voice was raising.

"Deanna and I are partners for a chemistry project. Samantha tagged along." _Because their dad was home._

"Just remember what I said, Castielle."

"I haven't forgotten, I promise." Castielle said with a nod.  
\------  
(The next morning.)

"I'm thinking of getting a new piercing." Deanna said, still facing the mirror. Fighting with her dad always made her want to do something painful.

"What's left to pierce? Your nipple?" Sam laughed.

"No," Deanna said, even though the thought had crossed her mind, "either my eyebrow or right here on my lip." Deanna pinch the left corner of her lower lip.

"Eyebrow. Another lip one might look kinda weird."

"Hmm." Deanna would never admit it, but she valued Samantha's opinion on these things. "Eyebrow it is." Deanna looked at the clock. 7:01 am. She had half an hour to get to school on time, which she didn't much care about. "No time like the present." She mumbled to herself.

"Whoa- wait. We have school soon, Deanna. Can't you go after school?"

"I can, but I don't care about being on time, so why bother?"

"Cuz I'm telling you to."

Deanna sighed, "Fine."

30 minutes later Deanna found herself actually on time for once. Commence boredom.  
\------  
 _"C'moooon, Cas! Joe's mom is outta town for a bit and its just a small party! 20 people- tops! Small, end-of-the-year party!" Deanna begged Castielle._

_"I don't know..."_

_"There will be boooooooys!" Deanna said, leaning closer, "like a certain... Matthew Masters?"_

_Castielle wanted to tell Deanna that she didn't much like boys. She'd lied and said she'd had a crush on Matt because he's pretty okay looking._

_"Pleeeeeaaasssee?"_

_Castielle didn't think Deanna's eyes could get any greener. She noticed the way Deanna was twirling one of her snake bites around from inside her mouth. Deanna had just gotten them and still wasn't used to them. She huffed, "Fine."_

_"Wooo! You'll love it- I promise!" Deanna said excitedly._  
\------  
When lunch finally came around, Deanna was completely and totally ready to go home. As she sat at the table with Joe, Charlie, and her boyfriend, Liam, she caught Castielle's blue eyes on her. Deanna looked away immediately.

"Hey, D." Joe said through his ham sandwich. Charlie waved. Liam winked.

"So, who's your partner for this chemistry project?"

Deanna snorted, "Castielle Milton."

This got the group's attention.

"You okay... ya know with working with her?" Joe asked.

"Yeah... I mean... no? I don't know. I went to her house yesterday to work on it and it wasn't terrible..."

"Do not tell me you're letting her back in! After everything she did to you-" Liam's voice was cut off. There was no denying the twinge of jealousy behind his words.

"I'm not."

"Good." Charlie agreed.

  
After lunch, so unfortunately uniformly, was chemistry.

Castielle sat down next to Deanna wordlessly. When the class began, she started laying out what they had done of their project. A quick once-over of the class showed they had made the most progress. Of course, that was Castielle's doing.

They spent the period awkwardly trying to work together, but without a third person there was a lot of tension. Deanna couldn't decipher if it was sexual or not.  
\------  
 _"How do I look?" Deanna did a twirl, even though she wasn't wearing anything with a skirt. She had on dark skinny jeans that were sinfully tight and a dark blue tank top._

_Castielle wanted to say something like "really, _really hot"_ , but she knew that would be awkward._

_"Liam is not going to know what hit 'im." Castielle said instead. Deanna smiled. Castielle knew Deanna had had a crush on Liam for awhile, and Liam was started to seem like he liked her back._

_"What're wearing?" Deanna asked, plopping down on her bed next to Castielle._

_"I was just gonna wear this..."_

_"No, no, no, no, no." Deanna took in Castielle's outfit. A plain, green t-shirt and jeans. "Here..." Deanna got up and walked to her closet, sorting through her clothing. She pulled out something from the very back of it, clearly never worn before. A perfectly sea-foam green causal looking dress._

_"Where'd you get that?" Castielle gasped, immediately loving the dress._

_Deanna smirked, "I thought you might try and go to the party underdressed. So, I got this." Actually, _Sam_ picked it out. Deanna didn't know the first thing about buying a dress for a casual thing. As for the money, Deanna found her dad's stash for liqour and siphoned off a little._

_"Deanna, it's amazing." Castielle was about to refuse, however. But Deanna cut her off._

_"Try it on!" She said excitedly. So, Castielle took the dress and went into the bathroom and changed. Her black hair fell over the green in perfect curls giving a wonderful contrast._

_She stepped out of the bathroom and pretended to be walking a catwalk, strutting and striking poses while Deanna applauded and whooped._

_"Awesome. You're ready now." Deanna said with a grin._

_\---_

_Deanna walked into Joe's house without knocking. Joe greeted them._

_"Hey, D! You made it!" Joe smiled. "And... Castielle? Didn't think this was your thing."_

_"Its not but... Deanna invited me and wouldn't take no." Castielle shrugged. She was well-known, but this party was more of Deanna's scene._

_Joe just gave them a nod before disappearing to the kitchen. Deanna hadn't lied when she said it would be pretty small, there was only about 15-16 people there._

_And, yes, Matt Masters was there. Liam Braedon, as well._

_"C'mon, let's go talk to them!" Deanna motioned to the two boys._

_"I'm not su-" but Deanna already had her wrist and was dragging her over to them._

_"Hey, Liam, Matt." Deanna smiled._

_"Hey Deanna." Both boys chimed. Matt hardly noticed Castielle there. When Matt didn't notice, Deanna pushed Castielle a little forward._

_"Oh, hey, uh... Castielle." Matt smiled. Deanna sat down next to Liam, so Castielle was forced to sit next to Matt._

_"SPIN THE BOTTLE!" Joe announced, holding up an empty bottle of root beer._

_Everyone cheered and gathered into a circle. Round and round. Several awkward pecks and gross make-outs later, it was Deanna's turn. The bottle stopped right on Liam. Castielle froze._

_There were a lot of hoots and wolf-whistles._

_"Well, you gonna kiss me, or gawk?" but Deanna's snarky words were swallowed by lips. Liam's lips._

_Castielle felt like she was about to be sick and she didn't know why. She knew Deanna liked Liam, so she should be happy. Her best friend got to kiss her crush. So, why did she feel the urge to yank him off?_

_A distant voice in her head said _jealousy._ But, no, that couldn't be it. Castielle didn't envy Deanna. She didn't have interest in Liam._

_And then, like a pile of industrial bricks, it hit her. She liked Deanna._

_\---_

_After the party, Deanna and Castielle started walking back to their houses. Just as Castielle was about to separate towards her house, Deanna grabbed her wrist._

_"Wait, Cas." Deanna pulled her a little closer. She wasn't sure how to ask if she was okay. After Deanna's spin, Castielle had rushed out of the room. "You okay?"_

_"I'm fine, Deanna." She mumbled._

_"Cas. You're not. Seriously, talk to me, girl." Deanna's eyes met hers. God, they were so green. Castielle didn't think she could get the words out of her mouth properly. _I like you. I like you and I don't like that you kissed Liam._ She desperately screamed in her mind._

_Words didn't suffice and never would. Castielle gathered up all of her confidence and bravery and idiocy. Her lips crashed into Deanna's messily. It was an awkward kiss, mostly because Castielle had no idea how to kiss someone._

_Castielle made note of the way Deanna's lip piercings pressed into her chin. Then she pulled away and cleared her throat nervously._

_"Goodnight, Deanna." She mumbled._

_"Night, Cas."_

_And they both went different directions towards their houses._  
\------  
"Castielle? Are you listening?" Lucy said hotly.

"Huh? Yeah, 'course."

"Then what did I just say?"

"You were gushing over prom, and who you want to ask you. And you want Tim to." Castielle hadn't really been listening, but she knew Lucy well enough.

Lucy smiled, "Oh, yes. I am gonna wear him to prom." Lucy's smile turned devilish. "Who do you wanna go with?" Blythe leaned in with interest, too.

"I don't plan on going." Castielle shrugged.

"C'mon, Castielle! Senior prom is a one time thing! You'd probably be prom queen!" Blythe nudged her.

"There's no one I wanna go with." Castielle said sharply.

"You're lying." Lucy observed. Damn her and her over observant glare.

"And if I am?" She was lying, but never in a million years would she admit who she was hoping might ask her.

"Why won't you tell us? We're you best friends!" Blythe complained. _No you're not._ Castielle wanted to say, _you're the friends Michelle picked out._

"Because I don't want to." That wasn't a lie. Lucy sighed.

"Fine, fine, but if mystery guy asks you, tell us!!"

"Fine." The problem with this agreement was, mystery guy wasn't going to ask her. Mostly because it's a mystery girl.  
\------  
Deanna walked out of school with all intention of going straight to the tattoo parlour for her new piercing when she saw Castielle.

"Yo, Castielle! Need a ride?"

Castielle looked up from the book in her hand and actually smiled. "Yes, thank you." She slid into the passenger seat of the Impala.  
\---  
"Want me to drop you off at your house, or a certain distance away?" Deanna said teasingly, "ya know, so Michelle doesn't see?"

"That won't be necessary."

"Alright." Deanna parked at the edge of Castielle's driveway and Castielle got out and disappeared into her house.  
\------  
 _"Castielle Milton. Explain yourself. Now."_

_"Huh?"_

_"Why did it look like you _kissed_ that Winchester girl?"_

_"I don't know!" Castielle knew she was bad at lying._

_"You did, didn't you?!" Michelle was fuming. "Father would be disgraced, Castielle. Deanna Winchester has been a terrible influence on you! Look at what she's got you thinking! She's put the thought in your mind that you like girls?! Castielle, don't you see how wrong this is? Have you looked at her? All those- those _piercings!_ I don't know how she got a place in your life, but she should have never had one!"_

_"Michel-"_

_"Let me finish! She's _low_. You're not only going to ruin your life but also your reputation by hanging out with her. You are to tell her tomorrow that you and her are no longer acquainted. You are to no longer see her outside of necessary encounters. If I ever see you with her again- heaven forbid- I _will_ call Father!"_

_Castielle shrunk back at the threat of bringing their father into this. It wasn't that Father was abusive or anything. He just had a tendency to overreact and over punish. The way he'd reacted to Gabrielle's rebellious phase was scarring. Castielle knew there we're certain risks she couldn't take. This was one._

_"Yes, ma'am." Castielle mumbled._

_"And we're redoing your room. That green is not appropriate for a teenage girl." Michelle snapped. Castielle didn't really understand what the colour of her room had to do with anything, but Michelle said so, so it mattered. Everything Michelle said, went._  
\------  
Deanna walked inside her house and set her stuff down next to the door.

"Yeah... Yo, Sammie! You home?"

"Shuddup, Deanna, I'm on the phone!"

"With whooooooo?" Deanna yelled.

There was a pause, "Jackson Moore..."

Deanna smirked knowingly to herself.

"Well, I just came in to check up," and grab her fake I.D., "before going to the tattoo parlour."

"See ya."  
\------  
Getting piercings, despite all the rules surrounding them, had never been difficult. Sure, for almost all of them Deanna needed "parental consent", but Joe's mom, Ellen, had always been willing to pretend to be Deanna's parent. For some of the piercings, she had to be 18, but that's where a fake I.D. and a plastic smile come in.

And getting her eyebrow pierced was no exception. The guy at the tattoo parlour asked for I.D., Deanna handed him her fake. He accepted it.

About 30 minutes later, Deanna walked out with a ring through her eyebrow. It added to her masterful rebel look. She had a high pain- threshold and didn't need more than a few minutes before the pain in her left eyebrow was gone.

She went home, flopped down on the couch and listened to Sammie go on about Jackson Moore and how cute he was. She ignored her homework, and instead focused on a strange reality tv show.

\------  


Castielle walked into her house. There seemed to be a different air about the place. Very stiff, very orderly.

"Hello, Castielle."

Her father was home.

Michelle had called their father.


	4. Retreat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, sort of filler chapter. Computer's still busted, kindle doesn't like trying to post long chapters, blah blah excuses.

_One man's pain is another man's pleasure_  
\------  
 _Castielle dreaded that next day. The day she'd have to tell Deanna to leave her be. Something she didn't want to do. Deanna had rooted herself deep underneath Castielle's skin and there was no getting her out completely._

_The knock came at the door, at the usual time on a Saturday morning like any other._

_"Uh, morning, Cas." Deanna didn't seem able to make eye contact with Castielle. But, she had shown up like she normally does on Saturdays so that meant something. Unfortunately, after what Castielle was about to do, it would mean nothing. She wanted to tell Deanna the truth. Everything. From liking her to her sister's demands. But, her sister would find out. She'd call Father and he'd punish Castielle. And Deanna. That part worried her more._

_"Castielle," Castielle said stiffly, "my name is Castielle, not Cas."_

_"Whoa, you okay?" Deanna seemed sufficiently thrown off._

_"No, I'm not. I've come to realize something." Castielle knew if her point was to get across, she'd have to catch Deanna's eyes, "You've been a terrible influence on me and a pointless distraction." Castielle called upon the words Michelle had used, "You and I are done here."_

_"Cas, what the hell?" Deanna seemed somewhere in between crying and screaming. "_ Why? _"_

_"You're low," Castielle put as much of her sister's malice in her voice as she could, "You have no place in my life, and should've never had one!"_

_"Cas-"_

_"Castielle," she corrected, "I've told you, my name is Castielle. Leave. Don't..." Castielle's voice almost faltered, "don't talk to me anymore." And the door slammed._

_Castielle ran into her room and could no longer hold back. She cried and came so close to going back to Deanna and explaining everything and why she had to do what she had to do, but if she did Deanna would just not get it. Deanna would want to rebel, it was a part of her. And Castielle didn't. There was no way to make Deanna understand that._

_It was only a few days until Castielle's 15th birthday. What a present._

_She had to do this, though, to keep both of them safe from her father's wrath._  
\------  
"H-Hello, Father." Castielle twisted around to face her father.

"Michelle has informed me of your involvement with this... Winchester... girl." He said 'Winchester' as if it was a disease that you could contract just by saying the name.

"We are partners for a chemistry project. Beyond that, nothing." Castielle's eyes were glued to the carpet.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you, Castielle." Castielle lifted her eyes to meet her father's. He had blue eyes, too, but they were cold and hardened. Icy. "I'm going to be monitoring you when you're working with the Winchester girl." _She has a name, you know._ Castielle wanted to say.

"Yessir."

"If anything happens there will be consequences."

A fleeting thought of how Gabrielle looked when she got back from her 'consequence' set Castielle in that place again. That place she'd been in 3 years ago when Michelle had ordered her to cut off Deanna. That little spot of "I want to tell Deanna the truth, but I don't want to disobey." But fifteen-year-old Castielle was weaker than eighteen-year-old Castielle.

She hated it.

"No." She choked. Did she say that? Out loud? Was that even her voice?

"What?" Her father's voice boomed.

"No. I won't let you dictate who I can and cannot be friends with." She decided that, yes, this is her voice.

"Castielle Milton. You live under my roof-"

"Then why aren't you ever here? Except to yell at us!" Words that didn't pass through her mental filter before they passed through her teeth.

Her father seemed to darken. "Go." He said, pointing stiffly to the front door.

"Where? Where the hell am supposed to go?!" The unfiltered words kept coming out, and Castielle couldn't find the regret to match with them.

"Anywhere. Pack your things, and leave."

He was kicking her out. He could kick her out, too. There wasn't anything stopping him. All of her rebellion spent, she retreated to her room to do exactly as her father said.  
\------  
 _"D? You okay?" Joe frowned at the worn looking Deanna on the front porch._

_"No," her voice cracked, "can I come in?"_

_A few hours later of crying, choking on words, and a cup of hot chocolate (courtesy of Ellen, Joe's mom), Deanna managed to run Joe through what happened from the moment she left the party to the moment she arrived at his house._

_Ellen offered for Deanna to stay the night, and she graciously accepted. She called Sam and told her they were spending the night at Joe's and Ellen would be by soon to pick her up. Sammie sounded excited as she said bye. Deanna couldn't stop herself from smiling._  
\------  
Castielle didn't know where to go. All of her belongings fit into her backpack and messages bag.

It was late; 9:30pm. Too late to catch a bus not full of creeps. So she turned to the closest familiar place she knew: Deanna.  
\---  
Castielle had stood on this collapsing front porch too many times to count. But now, after everything, she wished she could go back and count. Realize just how many times she'd done this. See how many times she'd retreated to Deanna. And realize how many times over the last (wasted) three years that she'd wanted to but stopped herself.

And yet, her hand hesitated over the door. Castielle could count the amount of times she'd actually bothered to knock on the Winchester's door. Three. After that, it had become her second home.

She hadn't realized how much she missed this place. She knew Deanna hated it, but compared to her way-too-perfect looking house, the Winchester's house had character.

She knocked.


	5. Can I Stay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, short, short chapter- a little over 700 words :(. My kindle gets kinda upset when I try to post large chapters, so I split chapter 5 into two chapters.

_Are my eyes deceiving? Are you believing?_  
\------  
The knock on the door is startling. Who the hell knocking at 9 pm?

Deanna opens the door and groans out, "We don't want anything you're selli-"

"Deanna."

Deanna knew that voice. Castielle.

"Castielle? What the hell?" Deanna went on the defensive stand. After everything, Castielle now seemed to be coming right back? No. That can't be right.

"I- um- my father kicked me out..." she nudged the backpack on her right shoulder, "I know this is rude and short notice and just wrong of me but c-can I come in?"

Deanna's walls fell almost instantly. She could never keep them up around Castielle. Especially when Castielle sounded like she did right then.

"Ye-yeah, Cas..." Deanna stepped aside from the doorway to let her inside. Castielle stepped in slowly, as if waiting for Deanna to change her mind. She wasn't going to.

"Who's at the doooooor?" A "not tired" Samantha groaned. "I told you, Deanna, if it's a Jehovah's witness just shut the goddamn door, there's no need to go off-" Sam saw Castielle. Castielle offered a small smile and a little wave. "Isn't it a little late to be doing uh... _chemistry?_ " The way she said "chemistry" suggested something more than actually chemistry.

"Cas is... uh... staying the night here. Explain later. Go to bed." Deanna waved a dismissive hand at Sammie. Sammie frowned, but went to bed anyway.

"Thank you, Deanna. I- I didn't expect you to just... let me stay here tonight..." Castielle sounded nervous. It was obvious she knew just how thin the ice she was treading is.

"You can stay long as you need." Deanna said on impulse. She didn't want Castielle to leave. Like, ever. She wasn't gonna say that, but it was true.

There was a long silence where they both simply stared at each other. And then a mumbled "thank you" before Castielle moved towards the couch.

It was almost painful how familiar the squeak of the couch being sat on was. She'd been here a million times before. More than once, she and Deanna would sit backwards on the couch with their legs hanging over the back of it and their heads upside down to see who could go longer upside down. Deanna sat down next to her.

"So, you want me to explain what happened?" Castielle asked.

"Which time?" Deanna meant it to be a joke, but there was no humour in her voice. She sighed, "Whatever you're willing to tell me."

"I got sick of my father's controlling manner and told him so." Castielle tried to shrug it off.

Deanna's eyes widened, "You, Castielle Milton, told off your over-controlling dad?" The disbelief was clear.

"Wouldn't be looking for a place to stay if I didn't, would I?" Castielle's lips curled up slightly into what was almost a smile.

"S'pose not."

It was only now Deanna realized how close they'd gotten over the course of this conversation. Their faces were a mere half a foot away. God, she could close that gap. She wanted to, too. But did Castielle?

In a few moments, Deanna would learn that yes, Castielle did.

Deanna had moved ever so slightly closer, and then there was hardly any space between them. Castielle finished that last centimeter.

Deanna was so dazed by the kiss that she almost forgot to kiss back. She did, after a moment.

Castielle's hands were snaking their way up into her hair and her own hands were already on Castielle's hips. Castielle started to pull her down on top of her so Castielle was laying down on the couch and Deanna was on top of her.

_I could seriously get used to this._ Deanna thought in-between kisses. She couldn't think when Castielle's lips were on hers.

Somewhere, in the back of mind she knew she shouldn't. There was still so much messed up between them.

Sam chose a bad time to get up for a glass of water.

"OH, GOD, MY EYES!"

The two girls separated quicker than either of them wanted. Samantha was already rushing back into her room shouting, "I TOLD YOU ITS TOO LATE FOR CHEMISTRY."

Deanna couldn't help but laugh. Castielle started to laugh, too. The situation wasn't very funny but in some way it was.


	6. Crash and Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must say, I love how happy you all were with the last chapter and how relieved some of you seemed.
> 
> Oh, how wrong you were to be.
> 
> (Also, sorry about slightly lateness- I've been busy, busy, busy!)

_Or have I made you lose your faith?_  
\------  
The next morning was awkward, at best. Samantha still seemed a bit "scarred". And as for Deanna and Castielle, well, there was significant lack of eye contact. Deanna didn't get it. She didn't ever get anything about Castielle. Castielle was the most goddamn confusing person she'd ever met.

It didn't make sense to Deanna how Castielle could just kiss-and-leave like that. _Twice._ Was she really _that_ bad of a kisser? Not according to Liam.

 _Shit._ It suddenly hit her that Liam still existed. That he was still her boyfriend. She wouldn't tell him. From the way things were looking, the little thing with Castielle wasn't going anywhere anyway.

They left for school, and Deanna could only hope that things would smooth out.  
\---  
They didn't. At all. 

At lunch, Deanna had made a point of throwing her arms around Liam and kissing him. He was shocked, but definitely not unhappy.

In chemistry, Deanna finally confronted Castielle.

"Cas, we gotta talk." Deanna said plainly.

"About?"

"What do you mean _'about'?_ I don't know maybe about what happened last night? About the fact that you kissed me and now you're acting like you don't know me? Or maybe even how exactly you got kicked out?"

"Well, with the way you've been hanging on Liam I didn't think it really mattered," Castielle said sharply, "so, no. I'd rather not talk about it."  
\---  
Castielle could've used this at her opportunity to explain everything. But right that moment, she didn't feel like. She felt like childishly sulking and withholding that information from Deanna.

She loathed watching Deanna with Liam. Especially today, since Deanna seemed to be trying extra hard to remind everyone- or rather, Castielle- that she and Liam were together.

And it made her angry so she made Deanna angry. Stupid, childish, foolish, but it's what she did.

It worked, too. When Deanna left the chemistry lab, she looked pissed. Castielle probably wasn't going to get a ride from her today, but that was the least of worries at the moment. Her number one worry was where she was going to sleep tonight. She didn't think she could go back to Deanna's and she certainly couldn't go home.  
\---  
Deanna was practically seething as she left. What did she expect, though? This is Castielle Milton we're talking about. She drove home without waiting for Castielle.

When she got home, she slammed the door so loudly, Sammie, who was innocently lounging on the couch, jumped.

"Jeeeeez, who pissed in your cheerios?" Sammie teased. Deanna ignored her and instead went into the kitchen. Where the hell did she put her fake I.D.?

After rummaging through all the drawers, she finally found it. She stuffed it, and a little money into her pockets

Later, she called Joe.

"Hey, you wanna go the park?" Which was code for go to some cheap-o bar.

"Yeah, when?" Joe said smoothly.

"10 minutes." Deanna said, knowing there was only one bar ten minutes away.

"Alright." Then the click of Joe hanging up.

Deanna double-checked she had everything and then started out. She threw a quick "be back later" at Sammie before leaving.  
\------  
Castielle ended up calling her brother, Andrew, who'd recently moved out. He was incredibly welcoming, which was no surprise to Castielle. He even came to pick her up. Castielle hadn't seen him in awhile and now she couldn't help but wonder how they were related. Andrew had red hair, but Castielle had dark brown, almost black. They looked nothing alike, aside from the blue eyes, a trait it seems all of the Milton children inherited.

Andrew's flat was small, but had a big enough couch. Castielle didn't think she could thank him enough. When she opened her mouth to drown him in gratitude, he shushed her with a quiet, "Get some sleep." So Castielle did.  
\------  
Joe met Deanna at the bar she'd specified.

"So, what's wrong?" Joe asked.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" Deanna tried to sound nonchalant as they took their seats.

"Well for one, I know you're not too keen on drinking after watching how it affects your dad," Joe points out, "and you were hanging on Liam like a goddamn Christmas ornament."

"Am I not allowed to want to enjoy a drink with my friend once and awhile?"

"No." Joe said simply. "What's. Wrong." The bartender came over and quickly took their orders, not even bothering to card them.

"Would you believe me if I said grades?"

"Nope."

"My dog died?"

"You don't have a dog."

"Not anymore, I sure don't!"

Joe started to laugh slightly at this, and so did Deanna. She really needed this, this friendly banter with Joe and a good laugh.

"But, seriously, D. What's wrong?" The bartender set their drinks down. Deanna immediately took a sip of hers.

Deanna let out a long sigh. She was fresh out of evasions. "Castielle."

Now it was Joe's turn to sigh. "Isn't it always?"

"I know, I know..."

"Wanna elaborate on that, then? What about Castielle?"

"Well, her lips mostly." Deanna joked, but the humour fell flat.

"You kissed her?! Christ, is this why you were all over Liam?"

"Maybe..." Deanna mumbled into her, now empty, glass.

"How did you end up in this again?"

"Her dad kicked her out and... She came over looking for a place to stay the night and... God, I couldn't say no, okay?"

"And that led to kissing her?"

"Kissing is way too innocent of a word for what went down. More like... steamy, but short-lived make out session." Deanna was starting to feel the alcohol easing her mind and her filter.

"TMI."

"Well."

"But how's all this add up to being here? Shouldn't you be happy?"

"She's _Castielle_. She practically specializes in kiss-and-leave."

And they spent the rest of that night just getting drunk of various liquors. Deanna was in no shape to drive, it would've been smarter to ask Sammie to drive her, but she wasn't gonna do that. It was late anyway, there'd be no one on the road.

She was barely 3 minutes from the bar when suddenly-

Headlights. Horns blaring. Tires squealing.

_Crash. Boom._


	7. Mom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer situation has been sort of sorted out. No more excuses- except soccer (which is life consuming, but almost over).
> 
> I promise a thousand times that things really pick up next chapter.
> 
> Also, the song lyrics for today's chapter are background lyrics in the song.

_(If I could find a way to do this over)_  
\------  
Samantha was fast asleep when the phone rang. The voice on the other started talking, saying something about calling from some hospital, but Sam stopped listening after the words "car crash" and "sister" were used in the same sentence.

She started to panic, quickly throwing on sweats over her pajamas and calling Ellen.

Ellen was there in record time to pick her up. She gave Ellen the clipped version of the phone call as she drove to the hospital.  
\------  
(Right after the crash- before the hospital calls.)

Deanna could feel her grip slipping. She was pretty sure she was awake. If she wasn't, would she be in so much pain? She wouldn't be awake for much longer, she could tell. The Impala was on its side, with the passenger door facing out, and the driver's side smashed into the pavement.

Was her leg supposed to bend that way?

She was so dazed she didn't know. Maybe legs do bend that way. She tried to reach over and open the door, but her hands wouldn't listen. She tried to scream, shout, anything, but her voice wasn't there.

Deanna finally gave into the need to fall unconscious. The last thing she saw was a few paramedics rushing to car.

Everything is blurry at first. She blinks. The world around her clears up.

"Hello, Anna." A familiar female voice says. Anna, Anna... only one person ever called her that...

"Mom." Deanna realizes that she's dreaming- or maybe dead- and tears start to well in her eyes. Mary looks exactly how Deanna remembered her; smooth, blonde hair, and beautiful as ever.

"Let me look at you." Her mother holds out her arms, and Deanna practically leaps into them. Mary cups Deanna's face in her hands. "Still so beautiful." She mumbles as she pulls her into a hug. Deanna melts into the hug, but something is still bothering her. She's never dreamed about her mom before, at least not this vividly.

"Mom?"

"Hm?"

"Am... am I dead?"

"No, Anna. And you're not going to be." She squeezed Deanna closer. "I'm won't let you."

"Why not, though?" Deanna's sure she's crying now, "I- I could be with you and I wouldn't have to worry about things anymore..."

"Sammie needs you, Anna. Your- your father needs you, too."

Deanna just quietly nodded. She understood that Sammie needed her, but how did her father benefit from her being around? It didn't matter, if her mother said so, then it was so.

"I want you to tell me everything that's been going on. I've missed so much..."

And so Deanna started recapping her life to her mom. Maybe, she thought, this was "her life flashing before her eyes."  
\---  
Sammie wanted to run into the OR the minute she stepped into the hospital. Of course, though, she wasn't allowed to. Deanna was still in "critical condition" and although they seemed confident she'd pull through, Sam couldn't shake the sympathetic glances from the nurses and staff.

God, how could Deanna have been so stupid? If Sam were to list all of ways Deanna might die, car crash wouldn't make it to the top 50. Mostly because she thought better of her older sister. She thought her older sister was more responsible than that...

Ellen sat down next to Sam and handed her a coffee. Sam finally realized how late it was- 2:43 am. She anxiously sipped the coffee. She hated the taste, but needed the caffeine.

"Any friends need to be called? I've already told Joe- he'll be here in a few minutes." Ellen asked.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, there's a few. Liam, Charlie..." Sam shrugged. Her attentions were a bit preoccupied at the moment. Plus, it's 3-in-the-goddamned-morning.

Sam realized she didn't know any of Deanna's friends' phone numbers. _Deanna probably does,_ is the first thought that pops in her head. The next being, _great idea, brain, let me just ask my comatose sister who's currently being operated on what her friends' numbers are._

About ten minutes later, Joe arrived at the hospital.

"Where is she? She okay?" Joe asked apprehensively.

"OR. And in short: no." Sam filled him briefly.

"I shouldn't have let her drive home on her own-"

"Joe, shuddup, sit down, and stop blaming yourself." Ellen ordered.

So they sat and waited because that's all they could do; wait.  
\---  
"There's nothing more we can do but wait and see if her body recovers." The doctor had said.

Sam kept repeating that over and over to herself. Except she always added, _and Deanna always bounces back._ It was 5 am now, and she'd gotten no more than hour of sleep when Ellen insisted she lie down. It wasn't very comfortable trying to sleep on the waiting room couch, but it helped.

They we're finally allowed to see her, at least. Deanna looked about as good as the doctors had said, but she was supposed to make a full recovery- as long as she didn't push herself. She was bandaged and casted and bruised. Sam winced when she saw her.

As it turns out, Joe also had the phone numbers of the people Sam wanted to contact. After calling Liam and Charlie, Joe assumed that was it. 

"Call Cas." Sam said before Joe put away his phone.

"Are you sure?"

"Call. Castielle."  
\---  
"Are you sure I can't just," Deanna's voice cracked, "stay with you?"

"No, Anna... Sweetie, when your time comes, it'll come, but it's certainly not now." Mary insisted.

"Why can't it be? It's- it's better here, with you. If I do survive, like you're telling me to, I'll just miss this- I'll-"

"You won't remember this."

"What?"

"You... won't remember any of this."

"Why not?" Deanna was borderline hysterical.

"There are some things best left to rest. Including these memories." Mary sounded so calm, so impossibly level-headed.

"Will you remember?"

Mary smiled sadly at her. Deanna frowned. "Look, it's time to wake up, it's time to forget. Live, Anna, live."  
\------  
The next thing Deanna sees after the paramedics rushing to her car, is the cold white ceiling of the hospital. The next thing is people. Sam, Joe, Ellen, and... _Castielle?_

"Deanna!" Sammie's voice sounds broken in a strange way.

"Hey... Sammie." Deanna discovered it was difficult to talk. It was also difficult to keep her eyes open. She was feeling really dizzy and woozy.

"Careful, there. They've got you on some hardcore morphine to numb the pain." Ellen's voice said.

"Explains... seeing things." Deanna mumbled. She was sure Castielle wasn't really there and the pain meds had just conjured her up. Curse her mind.

"Seeing things?"

"Yeah... like... Cas." Deanna pointed to where her hallucinations were.

"You're not seeing things." Sam informed her.

"Wha...?"

"Hello, Deanna." Her voice cracked, but Deanna was too out of it to notice. She also didn't notice Castielle's hand clasped over her own.

"How... long was..." Deanna wheezed, "I out?"

Sam made a show of looking at her wrist as if she had a watch on. "Ehhh, ya know, only about 12 hours." She said sarcastically. It was good to wake up to Sammie being Sammie, all sarcastic. Deanna would've been freaking out if she had the energy. "What do you remember?"

"Not... much. Drinking? Car... crashed... hospital." Deanna was starting to doze.

"Sleep." Ellen said. "Doc said you need rest." Deanna didn't need to be told twice.


	8. Talk to Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long and sorry it's so short and kinda shitty I'm at a wall with this story and currently writing something else (special surprise thing). More background lyrics.

_(I should've known that you could be my savior)_  
\------  
(A little in the past.)

When Castielle's phone started ringing at 5 am, she was a little confused. When she saw it was Joe calling, she was extremely confused.

"Hello?"

"Castielle? It's um- it's Joe. Deanna- Deanna got in a car crash. It's bad- um Sam told me to call you?"

"What hospital?!" Castielle suddenly felt frantic. Deanna got in a car crash? Her mind was reeling. Joe told her the address and she was already out of her brother's house, leaving a quickly scribbled note that said, "something came up- call if you need me."

When she got to the hospital, she didn't know what to expect. What she saw, lying there all knotted in tubes and hospital machines, didn't look like Deanna to her. Joe briefed her on the backstory. Castielle felt like she'd been stabbed. Deanna was drinking because she was frustrated with Castielle. She got into a car crash because she was drinking. Even though she was told not to, she couldn't help but blame herself.

She sat there with Sam and Ellen and Joe and just waited. Waiting was torture.  
\---  
Ellen, Sam, and Joe left the room when Deanna woke next. Sammie mumbled something to Joe, Joe glanced at his mom, and they left. As Joe was leaving, he whispered something in Castielle's ear that Deanna couldn't quite make out.

"Deanna?" Castielle glanced at her.

"Yeah?" Her voice was gaining some strength.

"I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't, Cas..." Deanna shook her head, causing a bunch of tubes to move, too.

"Deanna. Let me just- let me just finish, okay? I shouldn't have shut you out. Ever." Castielle sighed. "The whole thing is just a long, stupid story that I'd like to forget... but you deserve to know. After I kissed you that first time, Michelle found out. She was so mad, she told me that I was to no longer talk to you. And- I know this won't make much sense to you but- I didn't want to disobey. I should've, but I'm just not a rebel.

"So I told you to stop talking to me. I shut you out, and I've never regretted something so much. This last time... Michelle called Father when she found out we were chemistry partners. He showed up and something came over me and I couldn't take his controlling nature anymore. He kicked me out, I turned to you. And then at school you were all over Liam and it made me really upset, so I didn't want to talk to you. Dumb and childish and-" Castielle couldn't finish her sentence because Deanna had pulled her down into a kiss.

"You talk way to much, Cas." Deanna said, even though hearing the whole story was something she'd wanted for the past 3 years. Castielle seemed at a loss for words.

"How... how can you just... forgive me like that?" Castielle stuttered out.

"Cas, I held a grudge for three-fuckin'-years. I'm fresh out of grudges to keep holing against you." Deanna rolled her eyes as if it was obvious. "And I'm pretty hopped up on painkillers at the moment." She shrugged.

"You're the one who got hurt, though." Castielle gestured to Deanna's many broken or fractured bones and all the cuts and scrapes and bruises.

"Just a scratch." Deanna joked. "Its gonna hurt like hell, though, when this stuff wears off."

"Deanna-"

"Shuddup, Cas." Deanna chuckled and smiled at her. "Lemme just rest, 'kay?" Deanna yawned. So, Castielle left the room and let Deanna get some rest.


	9. Prom?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's right, folks, this story is winding down! Only one more chapter after this and its sort of an epilogue. Enjoy!

It was awhile before Deanna was able to go to school again. She'd suffered a pretty bad concussion from the crash, as well as breaking a leg, and fracturing so many little bones Deanna had never even heard of. These things all together kept her from school. Not that she was complaining. But maybe she was- since she was in a lot of pain the first couple of days when they pain meds wore off and she'd have to wait until she could take more.

Once she was back to school full-time, though, she had to walk on crutches which meant getting help carrying her books to every class. It didn't surprise her when Castielle was more than willing to do so. Over the course of her time in the hospital, they'd sort of found each other again. Mostly each other's lips.

So, here she is. School. She sighed loudly as she passed Castielle the particular book she needed for her next class. She didn't really use the books, but it got to the point where bringing her books to class was a much better option than getting a detention for not having her books. Castielle had chided her for this, but Deanna just rolled her eyes.

The two walked to Deanna's class together. Castielle didn't share this one with her, but if she was late to her class, she had an excuse. Castielle set the book down on Deanna's desk and said goodbye.

Class was dull, but it was always. Deanna loathed English class. It's not that she minded reading, she kinda liked that, it was just the class in general. The teacher was boring, the topics for the essays ('something that interests you', 'something you feel strongly about') seemed elementary. Plus, it was right before lunch. No one can completely love the class before lunch.

Deanna watched the clock the entire class until- _finally_ \- the bell rang. She wanted to stand up and leave, but her obvious handicaps prevented that. She sighed at the books frustratedly. They were the only thing keeping her here. She couldn't walk with them.

She was lucky that Castielle didn't take too long to get to the English classroom and grab her books and help her stand up. Deanna couldn't have been more thankful. She almost went to kiss her when she remember the English teacher was still there, and stopped herself. Castielle laughed silently as they began to walk to lunch.

Castielle no longer sat with her usual group- Blythe, Lucy, etc. She'd been sitting with Charlie and Joe Since the accident. Liam- for obvious reasons- no longer sat with them. To say that Deanna and Liam's breakup was messy was an understatement. It had been over the phone, and since then Liam made no attempt to talk to Joe or Charlie.

"Hey, guys." Charlie greeted them.

As soon as they'd sat down, Joe was talking. "Okay, so I didn't have to worry about this with you and Liam but keep it PG guys." He said with a stern parent face. "For the sake of all of us." Joe mumbled.

"Alright, _Dad._ " Deanna joked.

Lunch passed by with similar banter. It made Deanna kind of glad to be back.

Chemistry was her next class and she no longer dreaded it as much. Since Castielle finished their project, Deanna actually was managing a decent C in chem. Working on chemistry homework, however, got a whole lot harder when your chemistry partner was so kissable.

By the end of chemistry, Deanna is practically jumping out of her seat. If she could, that is. Her next class was her last and her best- study hall. And she had something big planned. She just hoped it went over well.

She hobbled into the senior center room, where most seniors had study hall. The idea of it was to sort of reward those students who made it to senior year by giving them their own place to hang out, but since a lot of seniors were dating students in younger grades, that line was blurred.

But, Charlie was there. Thank God, too, because Deanna had no idea how to go about this. They signed out and grabbed hall passes and escaped the room.

"You got the supplies?" Deanna asked nervously. Charlie held up the bag of art supplies in his hand.

"Nope, just a bag of shit."

"Okay, smartass-" Deanna cut off her sentence as a teacher walked by.

Castielle's locker wasn't too far, but it felt like forever. Especially since Deanna wasn't at full mobility. But, when they got there, Charlie eagerly started unpacking the poster and other assorted art supplies.

On the poster in big letters read, "PROM?" Deanna has thought the whole 'poster on the locker' thing was a bit overdone, but Charlie assured her that it was perfect.

Charlie did most of the setup, but it was Deanna who actually opened Castielle's locker in the first place, and she made sure to tell him that when he was finished. Once the locker was closed, it was completely inconspicuous. Charlie was not having that, though, and he handed Deanna a flat balloon.

"Blow." He instructing, grabbing one for himself and starting to blow it up.

"You would know how to do that _perfectly_." Deanna commented before starting the blow her balloon up. They filled a total of 4 balloons, and Charlie attached them to the outside. They didn't float, but they added the outward effect.

"Are you sure this is good enough?" Deanna asked with genuine worry.

"Seriously, D, you are like the most hardcore person I've ever met and you're worried that your girlfriend won't want to go to prom with you?" Charlie remarked, and Deanna fixed him with bitchface #65.

They went back to study hall, even though there was only 5 minutes left until the bell. Deanna spent those five minutes tapping her fingers anxiously. When it was finally over, Charlie helped her up. Deanna didn't bring any books to this class, since she didn't need them, so there was nothing else holding her in the room.

She hobbled over to the corner that she could somewhat hide behind and yet still see Castielle's locker. She watched as Castielle walked up to her locker, and gave her signature confused face to the balloons. She quickly hobbled over, trying to silence her crutches as much as possible, so she was behind Castielle when she opened her locker.

Castielle nearly jumped into the person next to her when she saw her locker. There was silly string everywhere- Deanna's only artistic contribution- and a poster spread across the inside of the door.

"Hey, Cas..." Deanna said nervously. Castielle turned around, and she was smiling widely. She threw her arms around Deanna, but was careful not to throw all her weight into it.

"You're an idiot." Castielle said into Deanna's shoulder. "Coulda just _asked_."

"I'll take that as a yes?"

"Well, what about your little handicap? You can't dance!" Castielle pointed out.

"Ehhh, I couldn't dance before I broke anything so I'm not losing anything there." Deanna smirked.

Castielle laughed silently. She sighed overdramatically, "Then, _I guess_... Yes."


	10. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Wow wow wow. We made it, guys! The ending! Thank you thank you thank you for following is story the whole way and thank you for all the kudos and comments and bookmarks. I would've never found the motivation to finish this without all of them!
> 
> After this story, I'm taking a small break to sort out some personal issues, but I will then be back with a completely written story, so I will for sure be able to update on time! I'm really exciting for it.
> 
> I hope you've all enjoyed this story.

_"I'll be the princess!" Six-year-old Castielle declares to five-year-old Deanna. They are in Castielle's yard and Castielle is desperately trying to get Deanna to cheer up a bit._

_"Who can I be?" Deanna asks._

_"Hmmm," Castielle thinks about it for a moment before exclaiming, "You can be my prince!"_

_"Okay. What do princesses and princes do?" Deanna asks curiously._

_"I dunno. Royal stuff." Castielle shrugs. "I think I might have some princess dresses in my house, if you wanna come inside to find them."_

_"Sure."_

_So the two head into Castielle's house. The venture into her room and start to rummage around. Eventually, they find Castielle's dress-up clothes._

_"Is there anything that a prince could wear in here?" Deanna says, pushing aside a few dresses to see what was underneath them._

_"A prince could totally wear a dress." Castielle says grabbing her tinker-bell dress. "This one matches your eyes!"_

_Deanna slips on the green dress over her clothing. She does a quick twirl. "Does it look okay?"_

_"You're the most beautiful prince ever." Castielle says happily. She pulls out a purplish dress for herself and slips it on. She also grabs two crowns and hands one to Deanna. They slip the crowns into their hair, and Deanna purposefully puts hers at an angle. Castielle laughs when she sees her. "I think you put it on wrong..." Castielle manages between giggles._

_"Nah, this is how princes wear crowns!" Deanna insists. Castielle can't argue with that logic. "So what kinda royal stuff do you wanna do?"_

_Castielle ponders this a minute, then says, "Let's hold a ball!"_

_"Like a baseball?"_

_"No, silly, a dance-ball! With music and people dancing everywhere!"_

_"Oh. Cool. But we don't have either of those." Deanna points out._

_Castielle sighs, "Well, we'll just have to pretend." Castielle moves to the center of her room and holds out her hand. "Dance with me!" So Deanna takes her hand._

_This is about the time they realize neither of them knows how to dance. Deanna decides to take charge of this, and starts twirling Castielle around. Castielle starts giggling and is smiling so widely, Deanna's sure her face is gonna stick like that._

_The two of them try to dance for a little while longer, and its ends with both of them collapsed on Castielle's bed in a heap of giggles._

 

Prom was hectic. Or, at least, looking back on it, that's what Sam would call it. Because all three of them had been living together, Sam took it upon herself to help both girls get ready for prom. She also made an effort to keep them away from each other until they were completely ready.

Deanna, although trying on and liking a few dresses, chose a tux instead. It was about a million times harder to get it to fit her body, which was much more curvy that the average tux-wearer, but they eventually got it.

Castielle had found a gorgeous blue dress that deepened into purple at the bottom. It was strapless and reached the floor, covering her feet.

"Sammie, you don't have to do my make-up, I'm perfectly capab-"

"Shush. You seriously can't believe that you can just do your own hair and make-up for _prom_. Ya know, most girls are out getting theirs done professionally." But what Sam doesn't say is, _but we couldn't afford that._

"Yeah, yeah whatever..." Deanna sighs.

"Yeah, now close your eyes."

It takes Sam a good forty-five minutes before she finally deems Deanna 'ready'. Deanna finally gets to glance at a mirror, too. Sam, with a lot of effort and hair gel, styled her hair up a bit. Despite it being so short, she'd insisted to Deanna that it was important to get it styled. Deanna can see now why. It looks really cool. The tux fits well, too.

Then Sam moves onto Castielle, who's already situated herself in her dress and just needs Sam to zip it up and help even out its layers. After fretting around with the dress, Sam does her hair. Castielle has natural loose curls, and Sam uses that to her advantage.

Unlike Deanna, Castielle's hair takes an hour and a half. Which, Sam pointed out again, was why they started this so early. Sam curled her existing curls into tighter coils, almost ringlets. Her make-up takes less time, but still takes awhile.

Once they're both in their outfits, ready to go, Sam continues to keep them separate.

"We're not getting married here, Sammie, we can see each other."

"Nope." And no matter how much either of them complain, they remain separated until it was time to leave. Sam wanted to blindfold them even after that, but Deanna fought that one off by pointing out that Castielle was driving.

Castielle looked _stunning_. There was not a strong enough adjective to describe her beauty. Deanna silently hoped Castielle was thinking the same of her.

Deanna hadn't really thought about the crutches, but now she felt really uncomfortable with them. They were a hindrance and she was sure that if she couldn't get past them, no one could. She couldn't do anything about this, though, since she needed them to walk.

When they got there, Deanna felt a sudden pang of guilt. There were so many limousines and fancy cars, and Deanna couldn't even hold the door open for Castielle. Once inside, they found a table to sit at. Deanna set up her crutches against the chair to her right and Castielle sat to her left.

"Sorry we can't dance..." Deanna felt even worse looking around at all the couples dancing and looking so happy.

"Do you remember when were younger? Like five, maybe six?" Castielle starts. "And we were pretending to be a princess and a prince? We danced and laughed and were absolutely ridiculous?"

Deanna nods slightly, the memory coming to her. "Yeah?"

"That can be our dance."


End file.
